Friday, April 23, 2010

Love and such

Our girl has a boyfriend. Not surprising, she is 16 after all. Oh boy is she 16.
Sometimes 16 looks like this: 
Other times... 16 looks like this: 
Either way, 16 is a tumult of emotions, experiences, and divine enlightenment. 
Girls handle it so much differently than boys. When my oldest son, who is 22 now, was 16 he handled it with grace and dignity. No crying over spilled milk - if a girl didn't like him, well then it was just a matter of time until he found one who did like him and  he was willing to wait. Now, at 22, he's well adjusted, had his heart broken a couple of times, and is willing to wait until SHE comes along. It's all good... 
But our girl? Oh no! Not her... She can't wait to settle down with the boy:
Now, in said boys defense, he's a good guy. He's small town boy next door good guy. He's willing to go the extra mile for her, and is convinced she's the only girl he'll ever love. Sad, no?

Now, I'm all for "Young Love". I think it's wonderful and sweet - and that it has a very special place in the growing up years for a girl. However, I am also a proponent of "Living Life to its Fullest" and a serious relationship at this stage in life is not allowing her to do that. I'm worried that she'll settle for "good enough" when better - much better is possible. 

There are plenty of indicators that this young man is not the one we'd prefer she settle down with for the long haul... He's got some anger issues - which causes him to snap at her from time to time, but of course, that matches fairly well with her bi-polar mood swings... lord help us all if they ever snap at the same time - I'm pretty sure it would make Hiroshima look like child's play... 
He's also not so bright... She is incredibly intelligent - I mean, four year college academic scholarship bright, seriously... She's beautiful... More proof: 
He's good looking, but certainly not the kind of damn fine sexy that needs to be on her arm.
She has dreams, goals, and aspirations... he wants to get married and have kids and work in a plant for the rest of his life. 
She wants big city, bright lights, and a stellar career...
He wants to get married, have kids, and work in a plant for the rest of his life. 

We thought, well - moving will help... She'll be far enough away that visits will have to be thoroughly planned, and he won't be able to just drop by whenever he wants; that makes it easier for us to encourage her to meet new people and go places with them. But no the boy wants to follow us to Chattanooga. He's talking about getting a job and an apartment there... Of course we advised our daughter that under no circumstances would she EVER leave the house alone with him again if that were the case - there is no way I'll let my 16 year old daughter go to a guys apartment for a date - I mean that's just asking for her to give me grandchildren NOW. 

I'm scared this boy is going to screw up her future. I don't want her to settle, like I did, for second, third, or even fourth best. I want her to have it all - but I want her to wait and not just settle on the first boy she's managed to keep for a year... Not hinge her entire life and existence in this great big world, with one boy from a small town, that's only going to hold her back in the long run. 
As a mom, I see the big picture - I've been down the road shes on, and it sure does look good from where she stands. She's got it all figured out! She's in love with the "man of her dreams" She knows what career path she wants to follow (although I think she's settling for something not so great, because he'ls threatened by her true passion). She knows when she wants to have kids, and how many she wants, and all the things all 16 year old girls just know they want when they are grown. 
I worry that he's going to intentionally get her pregnant, because he thinks that then we'll go ahead and let them get married and start playing house with a baby... not gonna happen.

All in all we just really want her to be happy, and we know in our hearts that this relationship... this boy... is not going to be the one that makes her happy all her life. We can only hope, that time proves our friend and she outgrows him soon!!!


Mindee said...

Oh crap. Mine is 14 and you just - word for word - wrote out all my worries for her first boyfriend. First boyfriend hasn't happened yet (that I know of) but it's coming.

I hope the move helps!

Magimom said...

Thanks Mindee! I only hope that the move takes her mind off of him just enough to meet someone new!

Night Lily said...

I know you like him mom, not so much for me to be with him for the rest of my life, but as i said when we move i will tell him its time to take a break. im not going to give him a time limit and for the next couple of weeks im going to be a basket case... no doubt about it. but the move will help and so will school and by the time prom comes i will probably be either going with a couple of my new girlfriends or i will be going with some other boy yall might not like. i dont know so i guess we will just have to see....:)

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