Five Things

Happy Sunday! Today is our final day of rest before the work week begins. 
Today I am going to post five things. I'm thinking of making this a weekly thing, so let me know what you think... 


Sunday's Five Things - Five things I do that make my teenager hate me. 


1. I make my kids do chores. Yep, I said it - my kids do chores. And mean mommy that I am, they do not get monetary compensation for said chores. But, Magimom, what about rewarding good deeds? I do reward them, my kids have their own computers, Xbox game systems, televisions, and games. They have freedom to go with their friends, stay home, or explore our neighborhood. This is their reward. It is also something they don't get to do if their chores aren't done. 
2. I am teaching my kids to cook. Even with insolence and irritation at my side, one or both of my teenagers is in the kitchen with me, every night. Sometimes it's Our Girl, with the camera helping me photograph for Hopelessly In Love with Food, other times it's Our Guy learning the art of frying chicken or pork chops. Or even Little Man, when he's home - handing me spoons, getting ingredients, or doing whatever task his emotional state allows. My oldest son knows how to cook, and does so very, very well. This is something I want to instill in all my kids, a desire and love for cooking, along with a basic knowledge that allows them the freedom to experiment and learn new things. 
3. I hold my kids accountable for their actions. If they get in trouble elsewhere, at a friends house or school, for example, my kids know that when they get home, they're really in trouble. I don't go by the "one punishment is good enough" philosophy of modern parenting, because for one - schools don't have the authority they once did. Suspend my child for a day, and my child will spend that day doing "extra chores" around the house, cleaning out the litter box, scrubbing the toilets and shower, and basically doing all the "grunt work". I don't allow my kids to spend a day of suspension seated at their computer, talking on the phone, or playing games. They're being punished for an infraction at school, it should not be all fun and games at home! This makes for children who act out at school simply to get suspended and go home to play. 
4. You must be throwing up, bleeding, or running a fever to stay home from school. Headache? Here's some Advil, get ready for school. My tummy hurts! Really? I'm sorry, here's some Pepto, get ready for school. I don't feel good. No fever, no blood, no vomit, no way - get ready for school. My children have tried over the years to "fake me out" with varied illnesses from blindness (my personal favorite) to a sore throat. One thing I've learned in 26 years as a mom - children lie. I cannot tell you the number of times I have called the school to say one of my seven children would not be in attendance - to be told oh... well they have a test today that counts for 1/2 of their grade... Therefore at my house, you better be really, really sick before you even ask to stay home. 
5. I watch what my kids wear. This is a constant argument for Our Girl and I. She wants to wear cute little tank tops with no bra, or with bra straps hanging out all over, short little dresses that require shorts, tiny shorts that should really be a swimsuit, string bikinis... that sort of thing. Yeah... not happening. Our Guy? His favorite is a pair of cammo pants that he wears every day after school These pants have been known to sneak out of his room while he's at school and wash themselves they get so funky. And he's always trying to sneak out to school in them. We have had so many arguments over the years about clothing - too short, too long (you are ripping the hem our of that $40 pair of jeans!!! Relax, mom, it's the style), too tight, too loose, dirty, or generally not fit for wear. They fight, argue, and scream - but I control what clothing they wear when they leave my house. And yes I do search backpacks and purses, I also look under what Our Girl is wearing when we have a particularly nasty clothing battle. 


The point of these things is not to make my children hate me, but to instill in them the following key attributes for healthy adults: 

• Work ethic
• Honesty
• Modesty
• Self preservation skills

My kids will be able to go out into the world and accomplish much with the skills I have taught them. I will worry less, knowing that they can fend for themselves. They will go to work even when they feel "bad" because I've taught them that it's important. They know how to dress appropriately, and they know that first impressions count for a lot. 

If they hate me now? It means I'm doing my job right. It means they're learning, and it means I'm a mom. I can live with that - because at the end of the day - these smiles are all you need to show you've done well: 

Happy Sunday! 

Love and such

Our girl has a boyfriend. Not surprising, she is 16 after all. Oh boy is she 16.

Sometimes 16 looks like this: 

Other times... 16 looks like this: 

Either way, 16 is a tumult of emotions, experiences, and divine enlightenment. 

Girls handle it so much differently than boys. When my oldest son, who is 22 now, was 16 he handled it with grace and dignity. No crying over spilled milk - if a girl didn't like him, well then it was just a matter of time until he found one who did like him and  he was willing to wait. Now, at 22, he's well adjusted, had his heart broken a couple of times, and is willing to wait until SHE comes along. It's all good... 

But our girl? Oh no! Not her... She can't wait to settle down with the boy:

Now, in said boys defense, he's a good guy. He's small town boy next door good guy. He's willing to go the extra mile for her, and is convinced she's the only girl he'll ever love. Sad, no?

Now, I'm all for "Young Love". I think it's wonderful and sweet - and that it has a very special place in the growing up years for a girl. However, I am also a proponent of "Living Life to its Fullest" and a serious relationship at this stage in life is not allowing her to do that. I'm worried that she'll settle for "good enough" when better - much better is possible. 

There are plenty of indicators that this young man is not the one we'd prefer she settle down with for the long haul... He's got some anger issues - which causes him to snap at her from time to time, but of course, that matches fairly well with her bi-polar mood swings... lord help us all if they ever snap at the same time - I'm pretty sure it would make Hiroshima look like child's play... 

He's also not so bright... She is incredibly intelligent - I mean, four year college academic scholarship bright, seriously... She's beautiful... More proof: 

He's good looking, but certainly not the kind of damn fine sexy that needs to be on her arm.

She has dreams, goals, and aspirations... he wants to get married and have kids and work in a plant for the rest of his life. 

She wants big city, bright lights, and a stellar career...

He wants to get married, have kids, and work in a plant for the rest of his life. 

We thought, well - moving will help... She'll be far enough away that visits will have to be thoroughly planned, and he won't be able to just drop by whenever he wants; that makes it easier for us to encourage her to meet new people and go places with them. But no the boy wants to follow us to Chattanooga. He's talking about getting a job and an apartment there... Of course we advised our daughter that under no circumstances would she EVER leave the house alone with him again if that were the case - there is no way I'll let my 16 year old daughter go to a guys apartment for a date - I mean that's just asking for her to give me grandchildren NOW. 

I'm scared this boy is going to screw up her future. I don't want her to settle, like I did, for second, third, or even fourth best. I want her to have it all - but I want her to wait and not just settle on the first boy she's managed to keep for a year... Not hinge her entire life and existence in this great big world, with one boy from a small town, that's only going to hold her back in the long run. 

As a mom, I see the big picture - I've been down the road shes on, and it sure does look good from where she stands. She's got it all figured out! She's in love with the "man of her dreams" She knows what career path she wants to follow (although I think she's settling for something not so great, because he'ls threatened by her true passion). She knows when she wants to have kids, and how many she wants, and all the things all 16 year old girls just know they want when they are grown. 

I worry that he's going to intentionally get her pregnant, because he thinks that then we'll go ahead and let them get married and start playing house with a baby... not gonna happen.

All in all we just really want her to be happy, and we know in our hearts that this relationship... this boy... is not going to be the one that makes her happy all her life. We can only hope, that time proves our friend and she outgrows him soon!!!